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| PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook |
My late friend was drawn to a life of crime like a moth to a flame. It started with money missing from bags in school. Suspicion fell on a small group from the poorer part of town that were intensely interrogated. My wealthy friend was never a suspect.
He only came forward after students were suspended. Whether motivated by an altruistic desire or the
chance to be famous, we never knew as he dropped out of school.
He stopped meeting us and hung out in a gang. He was dead before his twenty-first birthday,
shot during an armed bank robbery.
**
Moth And Lamp
Written for Friday Fictioneers Word Count : 100.
To read other stories from this week click here
Sometimes you feel a bit dissatisfied with your submission and today seems to be one of these days.
So as a result I am also attempting a translation of Allama Iqbal's poem "Shama-O-Parwana"
Sometimes you feel a bit dissatisfied with your submission and today seems to be one of these days.
So as a result I am also attempting a translation of Allama Iqbal's poem "Shama-O-Parwana"
Moth And Lamp
Oh lamp why does the moth love you so?
Why does it sacrifice it's restless life for you?
Like quicksilver it adapts your style.
Have you taught it the etiquettes of love?
It circles around your lustre.
Does it burn in the flash of your sight?
Does it find peace in the throes of death?
Do your embers grant it eternal life?
Had your lustre not been in the world’s house of woe
Moth sinks before you making its prayer,
Tiny heart beating with passion keen.
Do your embers grant it eternal life?
Had your lustre not been in the world’s house of woe
This tree of grieving heart would not have been green.
Moth sinks before you making its prayer,
Tiny heart beating with passion keen.
It has the passion of desire as in the days of yore
You are the small mountain of fire, the moth the prophet
You are the small mountain of fire, the moth the prophet
The moth with it's appreciation of the flame
A tiny worm desiring light!
A tiny worm desiring light!
I don't think you should feel dissatisfied with this. It has a lovely voice to it
ReplyDeleteThanks Neil, very kind of you to say so.
DeleteDear Subroto,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Neil. There's nothing wrong with your submission. The underlying anger in the narrator's voice is tangible. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle. Sometimes within the confines of 100 words you feel as if the words don't flow as naturally as you want them to. I am glad it worked then.
DeleteNo, I didn't think there was anything wrong with your story. I thought it was sad, but written well enough.
ReplyDeleteSusan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
Thank you Susan.
DeleteWell told. He got his just desserts from the life of crime he chose.
ReplyDeleteSometimes people head up on a path to self destruction and no one can stop them. Thanks for your comments Christine.
DeleteCrime have a fatal attraction for some - wonder if it is nature or nurture.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the translation of Iqbal's "Shama-O-Parwana".
The nature vs nurture can be long debated and still not provide a result ;-)
DeleteThanks for your comments YS
I'm in accord with other comments, it works well
ReplyDeleteThank you Michael, I am glad you liked it.
DeleteI think that desire that you can feel for something can be a deadly one... the story was a sad one...
ReplyDeleteTrie Björn, that desire can often be destructive. Thanks for reading and commenting.
DeleteA sad story, and sadder still because it actually happens way too often. I felt the emotion in this one.
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda, I am glad you liked it.
DeleteWell written - don't doubt those writing skills!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the vote of confidence Iain but I still struggle to call myself a writer.
DeleteIt was a life wasted, or perhaps not. He lived it the way he wanted.
ReplyDeleteIn the end there os nothing much anyone can do if someone sets out on a path of their own. Thanks for reading and commenting Purba.
DeleteThe translation is beautiful, and your story is so moving! The choice of the poem after your story is thought provoking. The futility of it all. Or may be not. Will we ever know the answer to it?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments Neeraja, I am so glad you liked it.
DeleteI liked both the story and the poem, Subroto. It seems the poor are usually the first suspects doesn't it? Good writing. ---- Suzanne
ReplyDeleteThank you Suzanne I am glad you liked them both.
Deleteit’s so wonderful details,and really helpful post.keep up and thanks to writer…
ReplyDeletehttps://www.lukhidiamond.com/LOOSE-DIAMONDS