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| PHOTO PROMPT © Ron Pruitt |
I see them huddled together waiting to board the bus. The big guy with a Stetson, the petite dark haired woman; the couple arguing as the entire group stands pretending not to listen. The flotsam and jetsam bundled together by the authorities on their way out.
My travelling companions, I see the pity in your eyes for me now. We are about to embark on a journey of self
discovery. It will be one to remember,
an exploration of your innermost desires.
But unfortunately in the end there will be only one survivor.
I look around and pick one out.
**
Written for the Friday Fictioneers Word Count : 100.
Hurrah time to squeeze in an entry for this busy week. To travel with the other Friday Fictioneers, click here.
And if you can please do read the two 100 word stories I wrote for Narrator International. A format that I picked with my Friday Fictioneers journey ;-)
And if you can please do read the two 100 word stories I wrote for Narrator International. A format that I picked with my Friday Fictioneers journey ;-)
Dear Subroto,
ReplyDeleteThis sounds ominous. In the first sentence I think you might mean 'to board the bus' rather than 'for board the bus.' Very minor issue.
Are we looking into the mind of a terrorist?
Shalom,
Rochelle
Groan! Careless me, I had 'waiting for the bus' originally which I edited as the bus was already there in the photo. Thanks for that. We are looking into a twisted mind of a killer, I leave it up to the reader to decide. Or is it too ambiguous?
DeleteNothing ambiguous. I got it.
Delete"People bundled together by the authorities" sounds like they were the outcasts and now on top of it they are on a bus with a scary person. Spooky.
ReplyDeleteThey were indeed and with a psycho in their midst! Thanks for your comments Deborah.
DeleteThere are so many things that send shivers down my spine. The concept of outcasts, the one selected to survive, and the mind of a slaughter.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments Björn I am glad that idea worked.
DeleteVery intriguing and very scary, especially since we don't exactly know what the narrator will be doing.
ReplyDeleteI am guessing it won't be pleasant. Thanks for reading and commenting Gah.
DeleteOminous! Great story.
ReplyDeleteYour first sentence in the second paragraph is hard to read. Should there be a comma somewhere? Is the narrator talking (in his head or out loud) to the travelling companions? If so, maybe a comma after companions?
Thanks for that feedback Dale. I did think about that comma but with such a short sentence I was not sure if it made an impact. I have made that change though to see if makes that difference.
DeleteA somewhat chilling and shivery story! I assume it's about a killer. I wonder whom he'll spare, and for what purpose.
ReplyDeleteVery well-written, Subroto!
~Vijaya (Dreamer of Dreams)
http://magicsurrealist2013.me/2015/10/22/jeffersons-big-day/
Random selection or a well formulated plan. Take your pick :-) Thanks for your comments Vijaya, I am glad you liked it.
DeleteJust checking to see whether I can comment using my URL, since the other methods seem to be problematic.
ReplyDeleteAnd, by the way, Subroto, I used to be V-Hypnagogic Logic, in case you wondered about the new URL. Now, it's http://magicsurrealist2013.me/
ReplyDeleteThanks! (And sorry to post three times here! I always find posting things on websites other than WordPress to have caused me some problems before, but this time, it seemed to work out okay, with the option of using my URL, which I don't recall seeing before.)
Not a problem. I don't get enough comments on my blog. I am so desperate for comments that I'd even welcome spam, but I don't get that either :-)
DeleteThe hunting grounds???? Interesting take on the prompt. Makes me want to go jump a bus for a ride???? Nope!
ReplyDeleteIt was bad enough with late buses and the overcrowding. Thanks for your comments Roger.
DeleteGood story, Subroto. This comes very close to home these days. He must be going to kill them, but I'm trying to fugure out how he can choose one to survive. Well done. ---- Suzanne
ReplyDeleteRandom selection Suzanne, just random selection. I am glad you liked the story.
DeleteI'm holding my hand up. Pick me, pick me!
ReplyDeleteThat's asking for attention, never a good strategy ;-)
Delete